The formal name for scissoring is tribadism (or “tribbing”), and at its core, it involves mutual genital rubbing or grinding against a partner. While it often includes genital-to-genital contact, it doesn’t have to. Partners might grind against each other’s thighs, hips, or other body parts for reciprocative pleasure. Tribbing may occur during kissing or facing one another and usually involves skin-to-skin contact, the defining element being mutual contact, whether vulva-to-vulva or against the surrounding areas. The focus is more on physical connection and stimulation rather than achieving a textbook visual of interlocked limbs.

Learn more about tribbing and queer pleasure in Episode #48 Is Scissoring Real? Queer Cliteracy & Lesbian Sex Myths

What Is Tribadism?

Media depictions of scissoring often show two partners lying on their sides or backs, legs intertwined in dramatic displays, somehow bumping back and forth while aligning vaginal openings. While visually striking, this image misrepresents how tribbing typically works for most people. These portrayals stem from a penetrative-centric, heteronormative lens of sex—where pleasure hinges on perfect genital alignment and bumping motions.

In reality, tribbing is more about rubbing and grinding—motions that create clitoral stimulation. As a visual analogy, tribbing positions often mirror penetrative positions such as missionary or cowgirl rather than two scissors bumping against one another; the emphasis is on clitoral contact and grinding rather than genitals ramming into one another. For many, tribbing isn’t solely about reaching orgasm. The act itself—whether it involves vulva-to-vulva contact or grinding against other body parts—can be deeply intimate and arousing. The idea of touching your partner’s vulva, feeling their warmth, or sharing natural lubrication can be a significant part of the appeal.

Preferences vary widely based on anatomy, sensitivity, comfort, and personal boundaries. Some people with highly sensitive clitorises might prefer softer, gentler contact, while others may firmly grind away. The key is finding what feels good for you and your partner.

Why the Confusion?

One harmful myth is that queer sex, particularly lesbian sex, must be an hours-long, orgasm-filled marathon to be valid, optimal, or fully satisfying. This pressure can create performance anxiety, leading partners to feel they need to achieve multiple orgasms or perfect their techniques. But sex doesn’t have to be an endless chase for climaxes.

Heteronormative scripts also influence the idea that lesbian sex must match that of penetrative positions or actions, such as bumping or thrusting away until one reaches orgasm. Instead, focus on shared intimacy, exploration, and following what feels good in the moment. While others may find tribbing to be the central way to achieve an orgasm, it may simply be an opportunity for intimacy for others. In the same vein, some people prefer to skip it altogether. All of these personal preferences are valid.

The idea that any single act defines “real” lesbian or queer sex is outdated and limiting. You don’t have to enjoy or engage in tribbing to validate your identity. Whether you love it, occasionally dabble, or never do it at all, your queer experience is just as authentic.

Your Sex Life, Your Rules

Sex is about more than just technique or achieving an end goal. It’s about pleasure, intimacy, and connection. If tribbing feels good for you and your partner, embrace it. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

Tribadism is as varied as the people who practice it. Whether you’re grinding, rubbing, or simply exploring what intimacy means to you, it’s all valid. By debunking myths and embracing the full spectrum of queer sexual experiences, we can foster a healthier, more inclusive conversation about pleasure and connection.

So, the next time someone asks, “Is scissoring real?”—you’ll know the answer. It’s as real as the connection and pleasure it brings.

Have more questions about lesbian, bisexual, sapphic, vulva-to-vulva sex? Check out the Q&A in Episode #48, Is Scissoring Real? Queer Cliteracy & Lesbian Sex Myths for tips for healthier, safer, and more pleasurable sapphic sex.