With so many strap-ons and harnesses on the market, choosing the right wearable sex toy can be overwhelming. While a tight leather g-string may be one person’s fantasy, others won’t let you pry their boxer-style harness out of their hands. Some people have a few in rotation, while others have their tried-and-true. What should you consider when picking out a new strap-on? Consider this a crash course on wearable dildos:
Check out my answer to a listener question about harnesses (plus more tips on lesbian pleasure!) in Episode 48, “Is Scissoring Real? Queer Cliteracy and Lesbian Sex Myths”
Strap-on VS Harness
The main difference between these two terms is that “strap on” usually refers to the dildo portion or the strap portion (harness) plus the dildo. The “harness” refers to the wearable portion, whether leather or cloth, adjustable straps, or underwear-style. Anything able to hold a dildo on your body is considered a strap-on harness. Sometimes, strap-ons are sold as a set, or the harness is sold separately and accommodates multiple attachment sizes.
Rings and Attachments
Many styles include a ring to hold the dildo steady against the body. These rings are usually metal or silicone but may also be plastic or stiff cloth. You may choose a harness that can switch out the ring sizes to use multiple dildo sizes. Other rings, such as silicone or cloth, can stretch to accommodate different sizes but may not be as sturdy for heavier or larger attachments.
-If chafing is a problem for you, try using a harness with a thin flap behind the ring as a barrier between the dildo and your skin. -If you prefer a versatile harness that can accommodate multiple ring sizes, get one with interchangeable rings that snap in place. Metal usually holds heavier dildos, but silicone rings can be a more snug fit. -If you prefer a grinding motion or close penetration, a softer ring such as silicone or nylon may be preferable for both you and your partner. Consider adding a bumper or grinding toy if the harness is too close for comfort.
Explore materials
Leather is a classic harness material since it's durable, moldable, and a popular fetish identifier. It sticks to your skin as you sweat, so some prefer a leather harness with some cloth components. Fake leather isn’t as customizable and may slip as you sweat, but many prefer it for the cruelty-free component.
Cloth harnesses may be made of cotton, a cloth blend with lycra or nylon, or other plastic components. Not all cloth harnesses are equal, so check out the materials to see how stretchy, breathable, and durable the blend is. Cotton usually wears out over time, while lycra can hold its shape longer. If the harness covers your vulva, consider choosing a breathable fabric for the gusset
Does Padding Matter?
Padding refers to the pubic, back, or hip pads that may be included in a harness. Some harnesses have a puffy pad between your body and the dildo component, while others allow the dildo to touch the skin directly. Some prefer the feel of the dildo, while others experience greater movement control with a pad. If you have never used a harness, get one with a removable pad and try out both ways. Similarly, some prefer hip or back padding, while others find it too bulky or inorganic. If you get a harness without padding, you can add it later by buying an extra component that slips on. In the same vein, thin straps may offer more body access but may dig in more easily. Thicker straps may look bulky, but many prefer them, especially if they have wide hips, as they can minimize chafing.
Keep in mind that some strap-ons have adjustable straps, while others may have elastic-only or nonadjustable straps. I almost always recommend adjustable straps to beginners unless you’re seeking an underwear-style harness.
Cuts and Styles
Jock style: Belt harness that has “open access” to the vulva and butt, as it wraps around the butt or upper thighs. If the harness has longer straps that only wrap around the thighs, this might be called a “belt and garter style” harness. The extra wrap-around provides more control for some and allows for simultaneous stimulation. This style is for you if you want open access and more room for size adjustments.
G-String: Similar to the jock style, this harness type can be made out of any of the popular materials. However, the leather string may be uncomfortable for beginners; if this style appeals to you, try the underwear kind or pick softer harness materials first. This one may be a great fit if you’re already a lover of thong-style underwear or want a closer fit.
Some harnesses are hybrids and may include a jock-style straps to secure the harness, a thigh garter for decoration, and a g-string underwear component underneath it to hold an internal toy component in place.
Belt-only: This version isn’t quite a harness and offers the least amount of control. Some people prefer it, however, as they can attach the belt to an existing underwear set. If they want to add a dildo to their thigh, above their penis, or around other parts of their body, a belt might be a better fit. For people who want to add an extra dildo above their penis, there are specific harnesses in jock-like style to help achieve double penetration while having more control of the motion of the dildo.
Underwear Style: These harnesses are almost always a cloth blend, with an elastic waistband and softer ring. They come in various cuts, including thong, brief, boxer, and keyhole versions. This style has traditionally been better for smaller or lighter dildos, but modern versions have more sturdy rings to help support the weight of a heavier toy. Try this version out if you prefer wearing undergarments under a strap-style harness. Underwear styles are also great if you seek to limit access to your genitals or want to incorporate your harness into your gender presentation or affirming care.
Strapless: Maybe you want to ditch the harness entirely and play with a strapless version. These usually rely on your pelvic floor muscles and are intended for users to place the weighted portion inside their vagina (however, some longer versions can be used anally). Strapless strap-ons can also be a great way to achieve simultaneous stimulation from a toy, and they can be looped through underwear or open-access harnesses if you need some extra support. These strapless versions can range in price, but I recommend Strap-on-Me if you intend to use this device regularly. They have a range of sizes and motorized versions to help you find exactly what you’re craving. A particularly innovative version of wearable dildos are being developed, resembling more of a prosthetic device, such as the V Dom. This technology allows for a dildo to go from flaccid to erect with a button, either on the device or on the app. The wearable underwear portion is reinforced to allow for greater control and comfort. To learn more about the V Dom, check out my podcast episode with the creator, Glenise Kinnard-Moore.
Strap-on preferences may also develop over time and may require trial and error. Ask yourself what is most important: are you seeking durability, mobility, control, or aesthetics? Try out a few different styles to see what you value the most regarding penetration tools and toys.
Want more tips for strap ons? Have questions about vulva pleasure, lesbian sex, or sapphic pleasure? Check out Episode 48, “Is Scissoring Real? Queer Cliteracy and Lesbian Sex Myths” to learn more.
