As a sex educator, I’m always recommending condoms because barrier methods are our first line of defense for preventing the spread of STIs. Condoms are also great for preventing pregnancy, sharing sex toys, and minimizing the risk of bacterial infections if switching from anal to any other orifice. From a public health perspective, they’re incredible tools. From a consumer standpoint, though, they’re not always great. Incorrect use can not only make them less effective but also create genital irritation, discomfort, and performance anxiety.

I’ve compiled my top tips to learn to love (not just tolerate!) barrier methods.

Formula vs Friction

Usually, irritation from condoms falls into two categories: either something in the formulation of the condom or lubricant is causing vaginal/skin irritation, or there is too much friction from the condom itself. Remember that not all condom brands list their ingredients on the box, so do your due diligence when picking out a brand.

Does latex get a bad rep?

Some people require non-latex methods due to allergic reactions, but something else may be causing trouble for those without an allergy. Switching from latex to polyurethane may help some, as the culprit is more often in the formulation, including sperm-killing agents and lubricants. My top tip: ditch the spermicide. Spermicide condoms aren’t recommended by the WHO anymore as they don’t show any significant difference in effectiveness. It can also be a culprit for vaginal irritation. Most modern brands are ditching this ingredient, but some still include it. Look for “spermicide-free” on the label or “nonoxynol-9” on the ingredient list.

Easy Gliding

Condoms are meant to be used with lubrication, so they usually come pre-lubed to prevent tearing. Brands like Lelo and Maude have a lighter formula that doesn’t feel greasy or leave behind a weird film. For some people, however, the lubrication included in the condom isn’t enough to prevent friction. Add a bit of your favorite lubricant to the condom, making sure it isn’t too slippery and causing the condom to shift around when put on. Ensure the lubricant you add is oil-free since oil can wear down latex and, potentially, some non-latex versions. Oil lubricants not only cause more friction to the vaginal/anal tissue but also decreases the effectiveness in preventing pregnancy and STIs. Many may prefer silicone lube since it doesn’t dry down. Others find that silicone leaves a film, so they buy unlubricated condoms and add their own water or aloe-based lube:

• Place one drop of lubricant inside of the condom before it is rolled on
• Slide it on to cover the tip as usual, then add a drop to your hand if needed to help roll the rest of the condom to the base
• Once it is on comfortably, add another thin layer to the outside as desired

Size matters

Product sizing matters when it comes to condoms. Whether they’re too loose, too long, or too tight, it can greatly increase irritation for both parties. Use a condom that fits well. There should not be any big folds that you can pinch along the shaft, nor should it be loose enough that fluid may leak inside through the base (the “ring” portion). These folds can also increase friction and cause more irritation. Choosing ultra-thin variations or the hexagonal stretch pattern from Lelo Hex may help if this is your issue. Some brands also have extended sizing, which is also a great option for those who use condoms on toys and tools (like magic wands). Speaking of larger sizes, condoms can stretch pretty far, as most brands can stretch over an entire closed fist. The issue is often not in the size itself but in the type of stretch and pressure they provide. Some condom brands may stretch to accommodate a larger size, but the ring at the base starts to roll down or uncomfortably burn due to an issue with the formulation. Also, thick materials or “ultra strength” versions may add too much pressure and cause numbness or skin irritation. When in doubt, opt for extended sizing. Many modern brands are starting to include size ranges for a comfortable fit and alternative uses.

Bonus Barrier Tips

• Condoms don’t need to be ribbed for anyone’s pleasure, nor do they need to be fragranced or flavored. If you are using flavored condoms, stick to using them for oral only, as these added ingredients can mess with genital skin/vaginal pH and lead to potential issues.
• Other potential condom irritants include numbing (lidocaine), cooling (methol), and warming products.
• Packaging isn’t simply frivolous. If a sleek package design helps you pop a condom in your purse or leave them on the nightstand, you’re more likely to reach for them when needed.
• Setting boundaries about condom use is important. If you only want to proceed while using a condom, and the other person doesn’t want to due to friction or irritation, you can try different brands and formulas.
• Change condoms if the penetration goes from anal to vaginal or whenever entering one person’s body after being in another (in group sex). Penetration from various orifices can also be a culprit of repeated irritation or infections.
• Condoms don’t have to be made with “all-natural ingredients” in order to be non-irritating. All formulas are made in a lab (they must be to get FDA approval as a contraceptive), so avoid this marketing tactic.

Bottom line: even if you’re not the one putting on the condom, if it is going into your body, you have a say about the type or formula you use. It isn’t just one person’s job to keep condoms on hand; we are all responsible for facilitating safer sex.

Listen to Episode #36 Strong Swimmers to learn more about penile health including topics such as: ejaculation “shooting”, how sperm are formed, and the truth behind the “blue balls” phenomenon